This week I watched three fashion-related YouTube videos, by YouTubers in the "lifestyle" category. I also had a look into these influencers Instagram feeds this week - as I wanted to see how this reflected their personalities differently or similarly from the videos. Last week I was looking at influencers that I deemed as "Body Positive", this week I just wanted to look at any fashion-related content on YouTube by Influencers in the fashion category that I have subscribed too.
What I haven't made a point to mention is that the Influencers I have been watching have already been in my Subscription box. But taking on this research study, I'm actually documenting how it's affecting me. Something I never took note of as I consumed the content in their videos.
As I watched videos from both Ashley aka Best Dressed and Ashley Alexander I made a similar discovery. I wanted to watch these videos to see the variety of outfits - I tend to follow Influencers that have a similar style to me, or I aspire to have their style. It's funny when I watch most hauls, I try to find plus size alternatives but usually, there aren't many for the kind of style I dress like. Which does affect my self-esteem. So on that day, I went down a spiral - watching the video, doing some online shopping, browsing, not finding a lot of options I liked, then feeling bad about my body and reaching an emotional level of sadness. Fashion is one of those things that I love, and I wish I could express but I don't always feel comfortable enough in my skin to do so online. I would love to do more fashion here on Chàe especially helping out those plus size girls and showing some more body positivity in the world but I just don't have the confidence to do so right now. What was interesting is the week after I recorded my feeling I did do a big haul of my own online shopping and started working out more and I was happy with what I purchased and I felt good about myself. 
Emma Chamberlain is a fashion Influencer who I followed for a while. Though she doesn't really focus on fashion primarily on her YouTuber, she does on her Instagram. She doesn't really have ALL the same style as me, but part of her style really does inspire me. She’s someone who advertises mostly thrift shopping and not fast fashion, but she also has a kind of partnership with Louis Vuitton which hurts my brain to think about. Anyway, because she doesn't focus mainly on fashion in her videos, more comedy, I don’t really find myself thinking about myself differently after viewing her video, just kind of jealous I don’t have as many clothes as her, but it doesn't affect the way I see my body. In my first blog post, I mentioned this whole project was part of my auto-ethnographic study on myself and how social media affects my mental health. Again auto-ethnography is a research and reporting method that utilizes a writer’s personal experiences and history to help analyze, describe, or report on cultural, social, or political phenomena.
In analysing myself I’ve come to the conclusion, I need to be more careful of what I'm clicking. Now I might not be the same as everyone, but I’ve noticed that I’m really fragile, and I soak up what I’m viewing like a sponge. Not in the sense of taking in every detail of the video, but in the sense of how I overthink things. My mind wanders so much that when I watch things that aren’t positively affecting my mental health it takes a toll. It wasn’t until I started watching the truthful and realistically positive YouTubers that I began to take steps to better myself and feel good about myself. It's important to know even if we think the person we’re watching seems positive - to assess if they're actually being positive towards your mental health.
In all honesty, I didn’t believe that this study would show me anything, I mean obviously what you watch affects you. If I saw a baking video on Facebook and I’d want to immediately start making cupcakes. But I didn't believe that my mental state or the way I saw myself would really waver from continuing to watch and follow the Influencers I had already been viewing for a long time. Bit it did change me, and that means it’s obviously been changing me for however long I’ve been watching these people. This study showed me that I needed to do a real detox on who I was looking at on social media and who I chose to surround myself with. It's the same way you wouldn’t surround yourself with toxic people or fake friends, so why would we let them pop up on our timeline on social media? I recommend you try it - think about detoxing your following list and subscription boxes. Really think about how what you’re watching and looking at online, these Influencers who have a career because of their viewers and followers, are actually affecting your life. I think you’d be quite surprised.